Should I Stay Or Should I Go? The Ultimate Relationship Question

All relationships go through rocky patches, however, there comes a time when you have to ask yourself ‘should I stay or should I go’? In this article, we will help you with advice on how to deal with ending a relationship and provide you with indicators that can help you to answer this important relationship question.

Should I stay or should I go

Breaking up with someone

Don’t break up on a whim

Don’t act on a whim, out of spite, when you are angry or when you are depressed. In these instances, you are not thinking straight. You are too caught up in emotion to make a rational decision. A sudden decision to break up with your other half could lead to unnecessary regret and pain. It’s important to stay as level headed as possible when you finally make the decision to break up. This will help ensure that you are making the right decision for you.

Don’t let it fester

If you know that the relationship is over, don’t let it drag on. No one wins in this scenario. There will never be a good time to break up with someone. Christmas, Valentine’s Day, birthdays etc will always just be right around the corner. It’s one of the most difficult conversations you are ever going to have, but you need to have it. Hoping that your other half is going to pick up on the signals and break up for you is not going to help you. By going through the questions we’ve outlined below, you should have a clear idea of why you are breaking up with them and this will help you articulate your thoughts.

Get an objective assessment of your behaviours and theirs

If possible, try and get an unbiased outsider to give you their thoughts on your relationship. When you are deep in a relationship, it can be difficult to identify the negative attributes that you are both bringing to this relationship. An outsider should be able to give you honest feedback. This may be difficult to hear but it should open your eyes to your attitude and the role you play in the relationship.

Be honest, but not brutal

Try and be as upfront as possible about why you are breaking up with them, but you do not need to be cruel. At the end of a relationship, it can be easy to see only the bad aspects of the person you once loved. But there were reasons that you fell in love with them. So try and remember that when you are breaking up with them.

Should I stay or should I go?

Below are some questions to think about when you are trying to decide if your relationship has a future.

You should stay if:

  • You are generally pretty optimistic about your future together
  • When they are struggling you feel sympathy
  • You feel a sense of pride in their achievements
  • Your petty arguments are resolved fairly quickly
  • When your other half interrupts you, you usually are happy to give them your attention straight away
  • The give and take of the relationship generally balance over time.

You should go if:

  • You are often critical of what they say
  • When they are struggling you find it difficult to have empathy, or are frustrated by their foolishness.
  • You feel a sense of hopelessness and despair when you look into the future
  • They tend to bring out the worst in you and you feel they have turned you into a toxic person
  • You find yourself often criticising them to family and friends
  • Your petty arguments can last for hours or even days
  • The give and take of the relationship is out of balance
  • You feel as if nothing much is left to attract you to them.

When have you known it was the right time to end a relationship? Have you any advice on how to break up with someone? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

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Sinead has three passions in life - blogging, books and booze. She is the owner of sineadsocial.com, a website that helps new bloggers build and grow their own blogs. She runs a monthly blogger meetup in Dublin through GirlCrew Bloggers.

10 comments

  1. I’ve seen so many people stay together for all the wrong reasons and apprecaite your honesty in this post. I believe people have a “gut feeling” and know when it’s over, but some sit complacently because of the difficulty with moving on. Letting go if the situation isn’t right is the right (and best) thing to do. Thanks for these tips in trying to help determine that.

  2. Those are definitely some good tips about relationships. Breakups are tough, but definitely best not to let it continue on if you don’t feel that the relationship is right for each other.

  3. I definitely agree with you about staying level-headed. You never want to make a hasty decision on that level. However, if you’re not growing, it’s time to go.

  4. What a hard topic… I know many people who feel just so comfortable in their relationship (with comfortable i mean they don’t have to cook, they have someone at home….) that they would never break up even if they’re not happy

  5. I pretty much agree with your assessment about staying or leaving. My only thing is that you should not try to make yourself feel sympathy. Things won’t end well when you try and do that. Also don’t confuse understanding why they did something with sympathy either.

  6. That’s the ultimate question, especially if you feel as if the relationship isn’t going to progress or last in the long-term. I was in a long-term relationship, it was perfect at first however after a while he started to get really nasty, and I mean very nasty (he used to be physically abusive and hit me and stuff), yet I stuck around because I really liked her and accepted the fact that he wasn’t always kind. In time I started to realise that I deserved better, so, if I can do it, anyone can do it!

    If you haven’t happy with your other half, you really do need to end it asap. Good luck!

    Great article by the way, I really enjoyed this one x

  7. Really good article – it can be such a horrible decision breaking up with someone, particularly when nothing terrible has happened, like cheating. I have been in that position a couple of time, where the love has just gone out of a relationship and it’s really hard – but you have to go with your gut feeling and not just stay with someone because it’s comfortable.

    Love you blog as well btw Sinead! X

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