All relationships go through rocky patches, however, there comes a time when you have to ask yourself ‘should I stay or should I go’? In this article, we will help you with advice on how to deal with ending a relationship and provide you with indicators that can help you to answer this important relationship question.
Breaking up with someone
Don’t break up on a whim
Don’t act on a whim, out of spite, when you are angry or when you are depressed. In these instances, you are not thinking straight. You are too caught up in emotion to make a rational decision. A sudden decision to break up with your other half could lead to unnecessary regret and pain. It’s important to stay as level headed as possible when you finally make the decision to break up. This will help ensure that you are making the right decision for you.
Don’t let it fester
If you know that the relationship is over, don’t let it drag on. No one wins in this scenario. There will never be a good time to break up with someone. Christmas, Valentine’s Day, birthdays etc will always just be right around the corner. It’s one of the most difficult conversations you are ever going to have, but you need to have it. Hoping that your other half is going to pick up on the signals and break up for you is not going to help you. By going through the questions we’ve outlined below, you should have a clear idea of why you are breaking up with them and this will help you articulate your thoughts.
Get an objective assessment of your behaviours and theirs
If possible, try and get an unbiased outsider to give you their thoughts on your relationship. When you are deep in a relationship, it can be difficult to identify the negative attributes that you are both bringing to this relationship. An outsider should be able to give you honest feedback. This may be difficult to hear but it should open your eyes to your attitude and the role you play in the relationship.
Be honest, but not brutal
Try and be as upfront as possible about why you are breaking up with them, but you do not need to be cruel. At the end of a relationship, it can be easy to see only the bad aspects of the person you once loved. But there were reasons that you fell in love with them. So try and remember that when you are breaking up with them.
Should I stay or should I go?
Below are some questions to think about when you are trying to decide if your relationship has a future.
You should stay if:
- You are generally pretty optimistic about your future together
- When they are struggling you feel sympathy
- You feel a sense of pride in their achievements
- Your petty arguments are resolved fairly quickly
- When your other half interrupts you, you usually are happy to give them your attention straight away
- The give and take of the relationship generally balance over time.
You should go if:
- You are often critical of what they say
- When they are struggling you find it difficult to have empathy, or are frustrated by their foolishness.
- You feel a sense of hopelessness and despair when you look into the future
- They tend to bring out the worst in you and you feel they have turned you into a toxic person
- You find yourself often criticising them to family and friends
- Your petty arguments can last for hours or even days
- The give and take of the relationship is out of balance
- You feel as if nothing much is left to attract you to them.
When have you known it was the right time to end a relationship? Have you any advice on how to break up with someone? We’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.