Flying V-Day solo, you are not a loser, you hear?!

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Ahhh the date that divides! Depending on your relationship status, it can be the loveliest day or it can fill you with dismay! Valentines. The day of undying declarations of love. When petrol stations and supermarkets experience a welcome post-Chrimbo boost in sales via chocolates, cards and overpriced roses. Not that you care about the price of course if you’re on the receiving end. You’re more concerned about what they represent; that on the most loved up day of the year – somebody loves you!

Having experienced V-Day on both sides, it is my opinion that it is a more pleasant occasion when you are part of a couple. No matter how much we might deny it, most of us love a little romance and a day that encourages our partner to show their romantic side, right?! If it falls on a weekday it’s a nice lift in an otherwise perhaps mundane week. A weekend Valentine’s occasion is just a great excuse for a lazy lie-in or a romantic candlelit dinner. Even if it’s just a soppy card…any day that promotes gestures of love and makes you feel part of something is nice.

Unless of course you are *whispers* single. Then it’s not quite so hot – or so you might allow yourself to believe. Being susceptible to this type of thinking myself and after recently going through a break-up, I found myself succumbing to the commercial hype once. It’s very easy when you’re single to fall into that negative thought spin of feeling crap about it. So I’ve decided this year I’m going to at least TRY to challenge that mind-set. For my sake.

The truth is that although V day has the potential to be demoralising…it can only be if you let it. You are the only one who chooses your thoughts on any day of the year and you have power over those thoughts. You are responsible for the feelings that these thoughts will produce on that day. Contrary to what we may be consciously or unconsciously telling ourselves in the run up to Valentine’s day, even in the absence of a man, we are still of course very much loved and cherished by many in our lives. Admittedly it’s nice to have the romance and the chemistry that only a romantic partner brings but we shouldn’t dismiss this other love all the same!

1. Mark it with your BFF

It was this belief that prompted myself and my BFF to start our very own Valentine’s celebration a few years ago. It happened that every year either she or I would be single (and more often than not both of us) but we still always bought each other a little gift or card to acknowledge the unique love that is a strong female friendship. If you have even one great friend you will know that this relationship is every bit as crucial to your life as one with a man. And you know what?! It felt good not to let the day become all about whether we had a boyfriend, or even a date, at that given point in time. All close relationships are valuable and enrich your life, so focusing solely on the romantic kind is a narrow view, that’s possibly even a bit dismissive of all the other fantastic peeps in your life. It’s a bit like saying none of you really matter if I don’t have “him”. Even hallmark are recognising this now with cards for friends or “someone special” as well as the boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife variety.

2. Treat yo’self

Likewise, you could choose to dedicate the day to doing something that you love. Show a bit of love to yourself. Use it as a valid excuse to give yourself a little treat whether it be renting a good film, buying a glossy magazine, getting your nails done. Pick your poison. Or rather your love potion. How about buying YOURSELF some posh chocolates? Whatever it is you do, making a conscious effort to enjoy the day will empower you and distract you from negative thoughts that will only bring you down – refuse to wallow!

3. Focus on the good things

Shift your perspective and take a different view of the occasion this year. Who knows what great things next year or even next week could bring…so in the meantime choose to focus on and appreciate all that’s good in your life right now. That kind of attitude can only serve to uplift you and in turn attract more good things to come your way…so either way you can’t lose!

And you are NOT a loser if you are without a plus one this Valentine’s. You hear?! You just happen to be single on this particular day of this particular year. It’s a long life with lots of possibilities – try your best to focus on the bigger picture. Love your life and the rest will follow.

 

GirlCrew’s around the world are organising their own Galentine’s Day celebrations (13th of February and made famous by the wonderful Leslie Knope character played by Amy Poehler in TV show Parks and Recreation) and are also arranging GirlCrew Valentine’s Day celebrations too. You’re not alone! Check out the events tab in your group to see what’s on the agenda. Nothing in your particular group? Why not suggest something? 

 

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Siofra Kenny

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