Is your relationship going through a rough patch? Does it seem that you and your partner are always having small fights that escalate into major rows? It could be that bad habits have crept into your relationship and are causing major damage.
Bad habits that could be hurting your relationship
Trying to change him/her
Do you wish your bae was a super outgoing person that could talk to anyone, but in reality, they are painfully shy and awkward at social occasions? It’s highly unlikely that your partner is going to be able to change their ways, no matter how many times you critique or nag them. If you are constantly on their case about changing aspects of their personality, a feeling of resentment will creep into the relationship. Next time you find yourself about to criticise them and their ways, take a breather and see can you work around the behaviours you want to change. Nobody is perfect, so stop putting all your energy into forcing behavioural change, maybe it’s time to embrace it.
Holding onto grudges
Are you keeping a mental score of every little thing that happens in your relationship? Your partner doesn’t text you back straight away, are you marking that down as a negative. If they wake you up coming in from a night out with their friends are you allowing it to fester in your mind? If all the little annoyances collect up you are going to build up serious tension in your relationship. Let go of the small grievances but talk to them about the bigger stuff.
Are you the type of person that goes to any length to avoid conflict? If yes, you may be burying your feelings and not voicing legitimate concerns you have. By avoiding being honest with your beau, you are hurting your deep connection with them. Nobody is a mind reader. If something is truly bothering you, having a talk with your partner (no matter how awkward or nervous you feel) is the only way you are going to be able to secure the future of your relationship. As the previous point explains, silence will lead to a grudge which could doom your relationship.
Do you actually trust your bae? This question is the cornerstone of any relationship. If trust is not there, you will never have a healthy relationship, no matter how long you stay together. Do you find yourself constantly scrolling through their social media accounts to see who they are talking to or even snooping through their phone behind their back – the trust factor has broken down. If you have concerns, voice them to your partner. Worrying about what’s really going down on their Whatsapp, tell them and ask if they will show you their messages. If they dismiss or belittle your worries maybe trust has broken down on their side as well. If neither of you has any trust in each other, are you really in a relationship?
In this social media age, it’s so easy to get caught up in the comparison trap. Everyone is showing their highlight reel and it can seem that all the other couples around you are living in bliss while you are struggling. Remember, Instagram allows anyone to portray the perfect life. So that beautiful photo of your workmate and her husband kissing by the Trevi Fountain doesn’t show the twenty minutes later when they get into a raging row about where to eat.
Also don’t constantly compare your current relationship to your previous one. Your new partner is literally a completely different person to your ex! Getting caught up in comparisons is just a waste of time.
Not being honest with yourself
Do you have a constant nagging feeling that this relationship is not right for you? Are you the one putting in all the effort to make the relationship work and that is leaving you drained? It’s important to listen to your own intuition. Are you really happy with your companion? Or do you have serious doubts? You need to be honest with yourself. By ignoring your feelings, you are on the path to disappointment and hurt.
If you are finding it hard to be honest with yourself, do this exercise. Take an hour of just you, a pen and piece of paper with no distractions and start to write how you really feel. No one else has to read this, you can destroy it after, so be honest. Write down all your thoughts about your relationship and at the end, see what your inner voices are saying. This should bring you clarity on what you really want.
Do you have a fairly pessimistic view of the world? Is this colouring how you see your relationship? If you have a negative outlook on life, you may not be giving your relationship a fair chance to succeed. Bringing negative energy into a relationship can put a silent strain on it. As they say ‘misery likes company’ and if the two of you are feeding negative thoughts into the relationship, it can be difficult for it to grow. If you have been hurt by previous partners, this can factor into your thoughts and you may be pushing your current bae away. Look for negative thought patterns and see if you can try and put more of a positive spin on things or understand where the negative thoughts are coming from.
Remember, there are two people in your relationship. Your partner may be showing signs of some of these bad habits. If they are, it’s time to sit down and talk about it with them.
Don’t forget that GirlCrew has a dating and relationship group, where you can get an outside perspective on things.