The Fear Sunday #1: 17ish Breakup Tips à la GirlCrew

GirlCrew’s Collective ‘Dealing with a Breakup’ Tips

If you are going through a breakup, these tips can help mend your heart and put a smile on you face.  Tried and tested from our members all over the world!

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In GirlCrew, as well as planning where we’re going and what we’re doing, we also descend into lengthy chats about anything and everything. Dating, and relationship stuff has featured in the chats for people who are in long term relationships, in things with blurry lines, broken hearts and new romances. I’ve seen so much wisdom in there that we all got together to share the very bestest bits of what actually worked for girls dealing with breakups. Not a ‘How-To’ some person being paid to write put together with snappy headings and Taylor Swift GIFS (not that i have anything in the slightest against them) and not tips regurgitated from other things read online or the things we hear said over and over but that don’t really help. But the huge variety of things that got girls out the other side. And might get guys out the other side too.

Each of the tips or collection of them is from a GirlCrew member : )

My tip for the tips: There’s so much great stuff below, that if you are going through hellish emotions over a breakup today, maybe pick out the three or two or ten that resonate most with you and write them somewhere you have them when you need them.xx

PS. hugs from everyone is implied. x

 

The Tips

1. This one was actually not posted in the same thread but was so good an offer it gets the number one spot:  I can be your +1 to weddings. We will get drunk. And throw the cake at the bride. I promise.

2. a) No contact with ex. b) Delete him/her and any mutual mates off Facebook. c) Start making new mates (hello GirlCrew). d) Accepting/appreciating why it didn’t work out and why you’re better off. e) Focusing on hobbies old and new. f) Reading numerous books and blogs when you’re feeling vulnerable like ‘It’s Called a Break-Up Because it’s Broken.’ g) Realising that life is what you make of it. Happiness is a choice.

3. a) Put time into the things you enjoy ,b) Take time to reflect and being “ok” with why it didn’t work out c) Stop listening to your friends with significant others. They will inadvertently say something patronising / cliché that makes you want to rip your arm off and beat them with it. d) Do one small thing everyday that makes you smile. Treat yourself to something  e) Focus on something other than yourself, Compliment someone, give someone a bar of choccie, f) Go on at least 1 date with someone new as it will remind you of why you are attractive and help see the good side of yourself.

4. a) Your friends. Let people know when you’re struggling. No brave face with the people who love you. b) Be honest with yourself about what you’re feeling. Sit with it. Acknowledge it. When you’ve processed it, let it go. c) Journal. d) Make a break-up playlist/CD with “safe” songs- association free and sentiment free. e) If you need to wallow do, but set an end time and stick to it. f) Gentle exercise like walks will help improve your mood. g) Be kind to yourself- do things he wouldn’t do with or for you. h) Know that you won’t always feel this way.

5. One thing to mention is that I think there’s something nice about putting it ‘live’ out there when you’re having a tough time, and having girls come back to you in real time. Even just as an observer, seeing the number of people who rally in support of girls having a down moment [in GirlCrew] restores my faith in humanity!

6. My personal and very immature one is that my ex hated tan coloured leather handbags and boots so I bought loads of them after and wore them with pride as a little personal victory! But on a more serious note I love the idea of this. Talking about how you feel and knowing others are going through it is such a help!

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7. A friend of mine said something that’s always kept me going. I remember telling her I thought he was ‘the one’ and she said ‘if he wasn’t the one imagine how much better your ‘one’ really will be’. It always gives me comfort when I’m feeling crappy about being single!

8.  When I was over the hurt and anger of it all, I emailed the ex a non ranty email and wished him the best. It really did set me free and helped me move on. If you don’t want to email you could write it and then delete it.

9. The break-up journal I kept was on google docs on my phone. I wrote it as if to him. It helped so much because I have gotten stuck in anger with previous break-ups but this time I said everything I needed to. Even though he’ll never see it, it was so helpful to me.

10. Do the 100 days of happiness challenge….not for everyone but you’d be amazed how good makes you feel.

11. I find all breakups are personal and you have got to go through the 5 stages of grief and just let them happen….wallow, eat, drink and surround yourself with people who boost your ego and confidence back up!

12. I burnt a pair of shorts I found and cut up his Christmas stocking. Brought me great joy.

13. GirlCrew, wouldn’t got through it without them! Not there by far but makes every day easier with group. Also journaling I do it on my phone . Things I want to say but can’t. Letting go my obsession with weight and the gym. And crying.

14. I know people say it all the time -get over a guy by getting under another but for me personally it genuinely works! Even if it’s just a fun fling with a buddy! Love having buddies for this but having someone else want you/fancy you/text you def helps! But just assuring yourself that you’re better off without some things in your life.. I had a little verse I used to say every morning and every night.. ‘It’s OK to have faith in my choices, trust my decisions and love myself.’ It kind of brought home that I was OK and alive and had friends and was healthy enough to make decent choices whenever I’d have to make them!

15. Letting myself have a good sniffle, letting it all out, but after sufficient time getting strong again and knowing it was the right decision and knowing that I will be good again in time. I also think to myself I don’t want my ex to have the satisfaction of seeing me still distraught about it so I get back to the gym/yoga/running whatever it is that helps me de-stress and get back out doing exciting, interesting thing’s, to which I can thank GirlCrew for. I guess it’s a balance between grieving and then, when you’re ready, getting up off the arse and doing stuff that reminds you you’re in a better place post break-up. And something like an alcoholics anonymous but for break-ups!

16. The best advice I ever got was from my cousin and he said ‘that if we were in a relationship with 10 people and out of everyone of those failed relationships we take one quality that we loved/liked about that person then one day we would meet a person that would have everyone of those 10 qualities and that is the reason why it never worked out with anyone before’ we must learn to know what makes us happy and each relationship is just a step closer to finding The One!

17. For me… After a break up I usually cry, eat a lot of chocolate, go out drinking with the girls and spend some time working on myself! A pamper session… changing my hair.. Be it style or colour (has turned out horrible in some cases but my ex hated short hair so I’ll never have it short again and it’s now half way down my back!) also nails, eyebrows, lashes, fake tan. I also experiment with my make up! Keep really busy, watch a boxset, I got addicted to “Gossip Girl” and cried my eyes out! Watch “He’s Just Not That Into You” and read the book for the 50th time!

 

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